HIV tests are more positive than that guy
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
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