it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
This is my gift to your gina
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Randomize
