I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Randomize
