no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
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