Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
