hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
