we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
