youre lurking in front of me
Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
