When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
