So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
