It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
