some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
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