if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
