i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
He kissed a someone with a penis
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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