I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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