Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Randomize
