It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Randomize
