Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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