youre lurking in front of me
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
