The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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