Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
