I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize