Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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