I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Randomize
