we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
