Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
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