she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Randomize
