weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
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