I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
