Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
