My liver just broke up with me...
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize
