I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Randomize