I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
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