I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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