There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
