Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize