If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Randomize
