My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
