Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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