I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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