Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
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