I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
My brain says no but my pants say off.
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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