She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize