Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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