i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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