So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
my phone needs a breathalizer
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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