I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize
