turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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