I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
