Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Randomize
