Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Randomize
