i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
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