saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize