His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
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