she woke up with a sticky ear
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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