I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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