If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
