i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
