He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Randomize
