NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
