I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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