I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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