and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
