Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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