She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
then he tried to convert me to islam
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
