watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
